Death of a Salesman.
HE’S SAYING
NEVER WRECK YOUR CAR
FOR SOMEONE NAMED BIFF
THE BUTTHEAD WILL ONLY
DISAPPOINT YOU IN THE FUTURE
OEDIPUS REX.
HE’S SAYING
IF AN ORACLE TELLS YOU
THAT YOUR NEWBORN SON IS GOING TO KILL YOU AND IMPREGNATE YOUR WIFE
DON’T TRUST A SHEPHERD TO GET RID OF HIM
THEY ARE NOTORIOUSLY BAD AT KILLING BABIES
ANIMAL FARM.
HE’S SAYING
IF YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE WORKING
TIRELESSLY FOR A SYSTEM LORDED OVER BY PIGS
YOUR DEATH WILL SURELY BE COMMEMORATED
ON THE BACKS OF POSTAGE STAMPS EVERYWHERE
THE ODYSSEY.
HE’S SAYING
IT DOES NOT MATTER
IF HE IS DEAD OR LOST OR ON VACATION
IF A MAN IS THE GODDESS OF WAR’S FAVORITE QUARTER-GOD MORTAL
DON’T BE A DICKHEAD AND SHACK UP WITH HIS WIFE
Fight Club.
HE’S SAYING
IF YOU HATE YOUR APARTMENT
YOUR JOB AND YOUR LIFE
THE GREATEST ASSET IN YOUR NEW PLAN FOR CULTURAL TERRORISM
IS YOUR IMAGINARY FRIEND
THE RUM DIARY.
HE’S SAYING
IF YOU WISH TO LIVE OUT
MIDDLE-AGE IN TOTAL DRUNKENNESS AND DISTASTE
WITHOUT SOCIAL OR POLITICAL REPERCUSSIONS
BECOME A JOURNALIST ON A CARIBBEAN ISLAND
THE GREAT GATSBY.
HE’S SAYING
IF YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE AN AFFAIR
WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART
JUST DON’T LET
THAT BITCH DRIVE YOUR CAR
Of Mice and Men.
HE’S SAYING
IF YOU GO AROUND
ACCIDENTALLY KILLING SHIT ALL YOUR LIFE
EVENTUALLY
YOUR BEST FRIEND WILL SHOOT YOU THROUGH THE FACE
Dante’s Inferno.
HE’S SAYING
THERE’S NOTHING MORE EFFECTIVE
TO SCARE YOU OUT OF SINNING
THAN CONSIDERING ALL OF THE HORRIBLE POLITICIANS
YOU WILL HAVE TO SPEND ETERNITY WITH IN HELL
